Nope, I don’t want to become a rock star… it takes too much work to become one.
And I certainly don’t want to be a Philippine president in my next life.
I don’t want to grow old and bald and inutile after only 6 years on the job.
What I really want for my next reincarnation is to become the sole owner of Emperador brandy.
Why is this?
Just the other day, I got some inspiring – and equally depressing – news from Google.
In my desire to quench my thirst for knowledge about brandy, I discovered that the company that makes Emperador brandy – Empi, for short, to avid fans – has cornered nearly 50% of the Philippine liquor market.
The implications of this: no other brand comes close to Empi. Not San Miguel. Not Tanduay. Not Ginebra.
And the cash registers are ringing to the tune of… 1 million bottles every day… or, at P78 retail… P78 million every day.
My gulay, that can buy a lot of recording equipment, and 4k cameras and lenses, and vacations to all the destinations I can only reach in my dreams: Brazil, South Africa, Turkey and Palawan.
I’d have enough to spare to buy a big imported brand of alcohol beverage. Exactly what Emperador did.
With my cash cow in place, I’d make sure it becomes a bigger cash cow by muscling into the whiskey business – the second fastest-growing category in the spirits business.
I “own” brandy. I will “own” whiskey, too.
My strategy will be pretty simple.
Create a local whiskey brew and give it an “imported” name.
(Hey, colonial mentality is firmly entrenched in the DNAs of all Pinoys.)
Branding first. Learn a lesson from Coca Cola’s move when it wanted to enter the sports drink business. They “borrowed” the surname of the leading brand in the segment – a Pepsi property.
A fancy “imported” name needs fancy “imported” packaging.
Then I will do advertising populated by Caucasian models. (No big deal: there’s a good-looking Brazilian in every mall who’ll do a modelling gig for half the price locals charge.)
In no time at all, I expect to be making over P100-Million every day. Minimum.
But, sadly, there’s a downside.
I would be spending less and less time with my family. Taking less and less vacations with them.
And I’d be so unhappy and lonely – worrying about keeping the profits up all the time – that I will be spending all my waking hours wishing I could live a simpler existence in my next life.
While Clapton & Friends provide the background music.