In my next life, I want to be the owner of Emperador

Nope, I don’t want to become a rock star… it takes too much work to become one.

you CANNOT stop rehearsing - if you want to become a rock star
you CANNOT stop rehearsing – if you want to become a rock star

And I certainly don’t want to be a Philippine president in my next life.

noy2

I don’t want to grow old and bald and inutile after only 6 years on the job.

What I really want for my next reincarnation is to become the sole owner of Emperador brandy.

Why is this?

Just the other day, I got some inspiring – and equally depressing – news from Google.

In my desire to quench my thirst for knowledge about brandy, I discovered that the company that makes Emperador brandy – Empi, for short, to avid fans – has cornered nearly 50% of the Philippine liquor market.

empi

The implications of this: no other brand comes close to Empi. Not San Miguel. Not Tanduay. Not Ginebra.

And the cash registers are ringing to the tune of… 1 million bottles every day… or, at P78 retail… P78 million every day.

Every day.

My gulay, that can buy a lot of recording equipment, and 4k cameras and lenses, and vacations to all the destinations I can only reach in my dreams: Brazil, South Africa, Turkey and Palawan.

I’d have enough to spare to buy a big imported brand of alcohol beverage. Exactly what Emperador did.

430-Million British Pounds... kayang-kaya
430-Million British Pounds… kayang-kaya

With my cash cow in place, I’d make sure it becomes a bigger cash cow by muscling into the whiskey business – the second fastest-growing category in the spirits business.

I “own” brandy. I will “own” whiskey, too.

My strategy will be pretty simple.

Create a local whiskey brew and give it an “imported” name.

(Hey, colonial mentality is firmly entrenched in the DNAs of all Pinoys.)

Branding first. Learn a lesson from Coca Cola’s move when it wanted to enter the sports drink business. They “borrowed” the surname of the leading brand in the segment – a Pepsi property.

From nowhere to No. 2, that's Powerade after it "adopted" the surname of leader Gatorade
From nowhere to No. 2, that’s Powerade after it “adopted” the surname of leader Gatorade

A fancy “imported” name needs fancy “imported” packaging.

Done.

grandsalute.jpg

Then I will do advertising populated by Caucasian models. (No big deal: there’s a good-looking Brazilian in every mall who’ll do a modelling gig for half the price locals charge.)

In no time at all, I expect to be making over P100-Million every day. Minimum.

But, sadly, there’s a downside.

I would be spending less and less time with my family. Taking less and less vacations with them.

times

And I’d be so unhappy and lonely – worrying about keeping the profits up all the time – that I will be spending all my waking hours wishing I could live a simpler existence in my next life.

While Clapton & Friends provide the background music.

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