Today, I listened to “Manila”

As I was sorting out my stuff in my new “residence” and surfing the net in-between, I came across these poignant goosebump-inducing lines from an essay by CHELSEA FAGAN

I never realized the impact of hearing a song that my brother (Rene) and I created in 1977 – until today.

It was never written to be a sad song

I woke up early to pack my bags, books and stuff… and make my move from this two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment since only one day remained on the lease. I was quite content to move to much smaller quarters cause I reckon a smaller place tends to make one just a little bit less lonelier. (And truthfully, I had never set foot nor seen the other bathroom and the other bedroom.)

Then a sudden realization: this is the first time that I was packing my clothes and coffee mug and meds. Usually, Pam would do it or the kids. Or a combination of the two.

We’ve lived abroad quite a number of times… but the feeling that enveloped me this morning was rather alien. A feeling of “alone-ness”. Maybe. because… all our excursions abroad in the past had EVERYONE in my family present – Anj, Pao, Isa and Pam all accounted for.

Maybe the “alone-ness” came from the residual grief that I shared with most Filipinos because of the untimely death of Secretary Robredo.

Tried to shake it off by listening to songs in my iPad.

Bad decision.

First song when I pressed “play” was… Manila.

And so this blog came to be.

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2 thoughts on “Today, I listened to “Manila””

  1. On especially bad days here, when things that happen during the day make absolutely no freakin’ sense, I sometimes wonder if I’ve made a mistake. But then I have to suck it up – maybe with a strong dose of adult beverage – and move on. You’ve done this several times and as you say, you have always had family. I’m doing this only once, and while I have my partner and best friend with me, she’s home, adjusting to the place not lived in for 30 years, while I’m adapting to a place I’ve only visited a few times before. I feel your pain, but I’m not sorry I made this decision. Not yet. Not today.

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