My Friend’s Brilliant ‘No-Holds-Barred’ Note About Miss Earth USA

Binibining Lupa
By Norwin Mark Castro

Her excuse was that her Facebook account was hacked, when she could’ve used her idiocy that would’ve gotten her off the hook.

By now, most everyone know the negative comments that was posted by losing Miss Earth USA 2011 candidate Nicole Lynn:

“I hardly made it to manila and we already attended a ridiculous tv show. So annoying!!! These people want to touch you and be with you all the time!!! I can’t understand a word they say. I can’t wait to go back home. The country is so dirty and noisy. I’m scared to eat!!!! What a mess. On a lighter note I don’t see any real competition. Will keep you updated my loves.”

First, it really was a ridiculous TV show. I, too, would have found it annoying, especially since the ubiquitous host still commands a station at his beck and call, receiving a fat paycheck for being, well, it’s the season to be jolly; let me deprive you of my scathing vocabulary skills.

Second, her purported account that so many people wanted to touch her and be with her, well, I can only surmise that my ilk were around her. Name me one beauty pageant on earth where the DOMs, playboys, wanna-bes (that’s me) won’t be hovering around? But I do know the organizers of the event. I know that they uphold utmost ethical discipline to their guest-candidates, and provide a security tighter than a virgin. But if she meant the fans, well, admittedly, we pinch just about anyone on sight. It wasn’t limited to her. I, too, on occasions, have pinched a celebrity here and there, to prove they are real. I remember pinching Dennis Garcia, for instance.

Third, her failure to understand a word the people she met were saying escapes me. Are we not the telephone operators of the world? Are we not the largest BPO industry in the world? And with an American twang to boot! And I know the hangers-on in these pageants. They’re fabulously well-to-do and have the ability to write and speak in English better than all her professors put together. It would have been understandable had she met me during the pageant:

Nicole: HI! I’m Miss Earth USA!
Me: Would you like to be the mother of my children?
Nicole: What?
Me: I love you! I love America! Do you have a greencard? Can you get me one?
Nicole: What?
Me: Let’s pom-pom bebe.
Nicole: What?
Lorraine Schuck: Oh, you’ve met Mark. What did he say?
Nicole: I have no effing idea.

Fourth, insofar as Manila being noisy and dirty, well, she wasn’t the first celebrity to refer to Manila as such. I remember Claire Danes being declared persona-non-grata for making such a similar comment. Claire was a celebrity and apologized for her youthful remarks. Nicole isn’t but played that “I-was-a-victim” card.

I’m sorry, girlfriend, somebody beat you to it. We have former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo doing exactly just that.

We don’t mind it when our fellow slum dwellers throw non-biodegradable plastic on the rivers of Pasig. Well, at least when you’re not caught. But generally, the noise is music to our ears. But we take great offense when somebody else points out the very crap that we do.

There are many ways to skin a cat. She could’ve diplomatically said: “Ohh, Filipinos seem to enjoy where they are.” And we have so much proof of this, from our elected officials all the way to our corporate oligarchs. We’ve put them there. We deserve them. Your mistake was pointing it out, dear.

Fifth, insofar as your fear of eating Philippine food is concerned, I suggest you review the episode of Anthony Bourdain’s comments in his globally popular show “No Reservations.” He hails the slow-roasted pork as the best in the world.

Despite all the misgivings — pros and cons — of beauty pageants, Miss Earth remains to be a great platform in addressing environmental issues. It is a locally-owned pageant with global clout. It was even used during the recent Bali Climate Change Conference, attended by all the heads of state of the world. I have been responsible for bringing the franchise of Miss Earth to Indonesia several years ago, which opened my eyes to the world of young and nubile girls, which gave me one realization in life: regardless of their race, color, and creed … I’m not their type.

Lesbians.

So some people would critique that I’m rather more forgiving of you that I normally would have been, to anything or anyone that puts my country in such a bad light. Never mind them, Nicole my lab. You have boobs, they don’t.

Besides, you’re 22.

You’re young.

You’re stupid.

You’re blond.

But insofar as the entire pageantry terrain not having a competition against you … two words, my dear:

MISS ECUADOR.


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14 thoughts on “My Friend’s Brilliant ‘No-Holds-Barred’ Note About Miss Earth USA”

  1. BWISIT KA! kala mo maganda ka! you seems to believe that you are beautiful???? YUCK!!!! you’re not deserving! coz you’re the ugliest of all ugliest and the dirtiest of all the dirtiest! in TAGALOG . . . PANGIT KA SA KAPANGITPANGITAN! MADUMI & MABAHO! YUCK YOU!!!!!

  2. LOL….. really funny, sad is those DOMs and wannabe playboys just couldn’t cut it, she can understand their accents too well.

    True, we know its true and yet we go berserk when someone else point it out, just a validation that truth hurts but it does not mean we have to hurt someone too in return, hehehe.

  3. A brilliantly written put-down, Norwin. You almost seem as brilliant as the owner of this blog.

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