You know you’re a foreigner married to a Filipina when…

(I love my two nieces who are married to nice American dudes… and I thought of them when I stumbled upon this “list”.)

Hey, David and Josh… it immediately dawns on you that  you’re married to a Filipina when…
Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that
you recognize

You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her
eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed

All her relatives think your name is Joe

The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that
you can’t tell apart

All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty…

She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken
with ketchup

 Even the ketchup tastes weird… very weird

You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin
off a dead pig

You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you “for a
while” and you want to know “for a while, what??”

Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante

On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that
weigh 1000 pounds each and your “carry on” luggage requires a small
forklift truck

The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of
15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms — the worst part is when
you get off the plane, the same stuff you’ve been hauling around half
way around the world is available in every store in the airport for
half the price!

You buy a new humongous freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM that
was on sale

Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she’s 2 minutes old but
your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21

The only “white meat” she likes is You, and that’s if you’re lucky

 Her favorite sauce is called “patis,” your fellow-Americans call it turpentine

She prefers bistek to beef steak

She can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that’s her specialty!

She and the kids are always saying “Daddy made utot” and you still
don’t know what it means but they think it’s pretty funny

 Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands

Your in-law’s first visit last 6 years

Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not
allowed to smirk

* AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because
you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical
goddess type until you go to the Philippines and can’t tell her apart
from anyone else in the whole country (but since she’s taller than 5’1″,
it’s a bit easier)


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