Pacman’s Presidency – A Chubibo Special Report

The movie “The Exorcist” once scared me out of my wits – like nothing else did before.

Until a few days ago.

That was right after Pacman boldly revealed his political plans. And it looks like snagging the highest position in the land is part of his career goals.

Which got me unconsciously doing the sign of the cross several times and mouthing some ejaculations… oh, i mean litanies. (In my altar boy days, “ejaculations” was what they were called kasi.)

I started imagining his first few months in office and here are some “imagined” highlights.

President Pacman’s health secretary VIcky Belo releases a health bulletin:

Viagra is like a fun ride in Disneyland – a 1 hour wait for a 2-minute ride

Our man in Hollywood – Ruben Nepales – asked President Pacman what his favorite “fight” movies are, Pacman quickly answered, “yung matindi ang banatan, tulad ng… Rocky, Ali, Raging Bull, FIght Club… One Night in Paris.”

Pacman has ordered PSA head Efren “Bata” Reyes to add two more games to the roster of the association and treat these as priority events: black jack and baccarat.

Alarmed at the rising number of street crimes, President Pacman ordered his DILG Chief Buboy Fernandez to bring him the best CCTV expert and surveillance authority in the land. Pacman stressed… only the best.

Fernandez quickly searched for Hayden Kho.

Highly impressed with his many skills, President Pacman’s search committee asked Dr. Kho…
“What position would interest you?”
His quick reply: “missionary” & “doggy style”.

Pacman personally handpicked the menu for the forthcoming ASEAN Annual Summit.  A cursory look shows the list includes most of his personal favorites: tinolang manok,  chicken adobo, sinigang hipon, papaitan, extra rice… beef jerky, as appetizer. For those not into sinigang hiponLucky Me. And for dessert, his favorite “Samalamig”.

Samalamig... samalamig!

PSG officers pooled their personal resources to raise funds for the soundproofing of President Pacman’s play room. It seems that their men have been losing sleep because of the loud nightly rehearsals of the President with his band… aggravated by the non-stop rendition of “La Bamba”.

Even while they take stolen naps... soldiers still hear the song "LaBamba" in their heads

On their annual exhibition trip to the Phiippines, the Lakers were asked if they will pay a courtesy call on President Pacman. Lakers’ leader Kobe Bryant said “we won’t pay no courtesy call… but, we’ll play… a round of pick-up games with the President.”

From l-r: Pau Gasol, Kobe Bryant, President Pacman, Andrew Bynum

President Pacman lashed out at two members of the clergy exposed as being child molesters.

"Praktis what you prits!"

He fumed in his patented Pacman-style English, “You should be ashamed to yourself. Praktis what you prits…”

“Perya sa  Forbes Park” was the theme of the birthday party of Princess, one of the President’s daughters. The party was held at the ritzy village where President Pacman owns one of the biggest properties. Neighbors were invited – but apparently all  of them had “previous engagements”.

A perya located in Sta. Ana was totally transplanted to the Forbes mansion of the President
To ease the worsening crisis between the Philippines and China over the Spratly’s issue, President Pacman intends to indulge in some “boxing diplomacy’. He intends to personally bring to the Chinese Prime Minister a box set of “Pacman’s Greatest Fights”, plus a personalized T-shirt worn for two days by Paris Hilton. With his band, Pacman also intends to mount a free concert at Tiananmen Square.
A box set of his greatest fights... and a personal T-shirt will. hopefully, lead to better relations

"Sometimes when we tats..."
The Office of the President today announced the appointment of Dennis Garcia – creative consultant/songwriter – as the official press release writer of President Pacman. Garcia was chosen from a long list of nominees because he is known to be a writer who sticks to facts, sweats the details, never exaggerates, and is respectful of his bosses. Traits that have sadly prevented him from landing a columnist’s job for nearly three decades of applying. He immediately…
woke up from this nightmare.


9 thoughts on “Pacman’s Presidency – A Chubibo Special Report”

  1. Come to think of it ang Pinas ay bagugot country nga if Pacman becoms President. Baka lalung magbanatan si Senator Merriam Santiago ang aling Dionisia. Ay Buhay!

  2. Hahaha pero what if.. Mas magaling ang di nakapagaral kaysa sa mga nagaral.tulad Nila arroyo atbpa.?


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